The Quest For Love In The Great Perhaps

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you just want to feel loved and wanted. You probably have family and friends that love you dearly but that’s not the love you are searching for.

From time to time, I envy those who seemed to have the perfect love. But sometimes, I wonder if their pictures were lies of what their relationship truly is because you’ll never know what happens behind closed doors.

In my case, I’ve been looking for a love that’s passionate and dangerous. Passionate in the sense that I’ll have a smile on my face everyday because of that one person. Passionate in the way we laugh and enjoy each other’s embrace. Passionate in everything we do on the weekends, sharing the same passion. Passionate even in our silence. And because of this, I’ll fall so deeply in this love and be weary about the imperfection of this love. I’ll be terrified to lose this love. Then, I’ll know it’s dangerous because this love will hurt so deep that nothing can ever cure this toxicity. This love will be the death of me.

And honestly, I am quite aware that this kind of love is rare.

“True love is like ghosts, which everyone talks about and few have seen” – Francois de La Rochefoucauld

I have been through a few relationships and the best one was the last one. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out and I’ve come to the realisation that failed relationships actually improve your spiritual self. (Well, when you get over break ups.)

I’ve also learnt to pick up the broken pieces from the ground and get back up again on my journey to improvement. It’s difficult but then you’ll learn to lie through your teeth about how you really feel and learn to pretend until it’s real.

It’s funny how I thought college would open more doors to love but I guess I wasn’t quite ready that time as I was a long way from being healed and I was serious about my studies. There’s just no way of being healed completely as you’ll always have a part of you that remembers what it felt like to be in love and studies are my number one priority.

But either ways, I hope my journey to self improvement will bring this love I desire and I hope everyone else will experience the love they have always wanted.

Carry on searching. xx

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