Am I Wrong?

As kind as I may be, sometimes, I find myself wishing to see someone fail in something, anything. You might be surprised to why I want to see someone fail and might even wonder why would someone like me wish for such negative things or even have such an ill mind?

Or maybe, you’re just like me and you sort of get where I’m coming from.

All my life I’ve been hearing of great achievements of my cousins. For instance, going to this great university overseas, having a scholarship at China, getting all As in the public exam and so on. Being surrounded by all the greatness make it seem as if there is completely no room for failure. There’s only room for success. But isn’t there a quote that states that failure is meant to help us succeed? Sometimes, all the quotes can be very contradicting.

It’s just that we all chase perfection. It’s one of the rule in that non-existent handbook, also known as “society”. Chasing perfection drives us to become horrible selfish people who would only do things for ourselves. I know that, that’s why I try to help, to be kind, and to be nice to everyone all the time. Even the ones I had horrible history with and the ones everyone hate.

But when I’m frustrated and disappointed in myself, I just want to see someone fail, to know that I’m not the only one who’s making a horrible (not on purpose) mess. I just want to see for myself that I’m not the only one who’s having problems. Seeing is better than hearing of them somehow. You see, people tell me about their problems, I do understand and feel for their problems. I believe them but there’s this part of me that doesn’t get how their problems are failures in their life. I just have to see it for myself. It just gives me a kind of extra confirmation that no one is ever perfect.

Wishing for someone to fail is very selfish of me but I just need that reassurance. Everyone needs reassurance when they are scared, angry, disappointed and frustrated. Does anyone ever feel like me?

I’m just being real here. And yes, I’m a terrible person at times.

Stay real.  xx

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