My Double Life

Have you ever felt like you have been leading a double life? Or maybe even a triple life?

You see, in reality, we’re constantly under watch. We’re constantly being judged in every way possible. And that’s where social media comes in.

Facebook is one of the main ones but it involves people you know, so you do control what you post. Twitter on the other hand is much easier to use in the sense that you can say what you want and no one will even care or judge. I personally find twitter my favourite. A lot of friends claim that twitter’s a pretty useless social media but I find it amazing. It’s a place where I can reveal who I really am, what I’m thinking and so on.

But here’s the thing. How do I avoid people I know on twitter?

True fact. Whenever people I know follows me, I block and unblock them to make sure that they are not following me. Hence, avoiding their scrutiny behind my backs. Unless they truly know me, then they can keep reading my tweets.

Apart from that, I have plenty of friends on Twitter. I know people tell me it’s dangerous and everything. I mean I have had some unpleasant experiences but most of the ones I still talk to are really nice people. They give me life advice, motivations and care. I find it a wonder when I tweet “Give me motivation,”. People I don’t know will tweet be back and give me tons of motivations. These kind of things make me smile.

Instagram is probably another place where I reveal my true self. I let my pictures speak, instead of putting long and deep captions. The most recent Instagram picture (it’s actually the picture of my last post here that has me with a blue mask), is actually me saying : I’m sick of pretending. Saying “I’m fine” when I’m not.

In Instagram I let anyone follow me, including people I know because, not everyone will understand my photos. So if they like it or not, I actually don’t care. And plus, it’s my kind of art.

Another true fact on what I do on Instagram is that, I don’t follow back some people I know. Long story short, I’m always the one left out from gatherings, and whenever I see photos of my “friends” having fun, I have this hollow feeling inside of me. Yes, I do get jealous too at times because I’m human and when you knew someone for a long time and they do this to you, of course you’re going to feel emotional pain. So now, these “friends” are probably strangers I used to know. And I have little desire to know what’s going on in their lives.

Like Chris Brown says, “Zero…. That’s how many ***** I give.”

Honestly, I’m probably a lot cooler on social medias than I am in real life. Maybe that’s because I’m much more comfortable at sharing my thoughts and opinions online than with people I know. Maybe it’s the fear of rejection or the fear of not fitting in that is unnoticeably affecting me because I know that I look intimidating, especially to people who don’t know me. (According to my friend, I do look intimidating. That was before she knew me.) But I’ve also read somewhere online that people who are confident and independent, do look intimidating to others and maybe that’s what I’ve been projecting. Back in school, when I was depressed and all that, I used to fake my confidence, walking alone to places and such with my head held up, making eye contacts with people who walk by me. I faked it until it became real. I dared myself to do so because there was one point at my depression where I decided it was time to stop it. And the best part was that it was something that changed my life entirely.

There was this thing I noticed too. When you are walking by yourself confidently in a crowded area, people tend to feel that aura and open up spaces for you to walk through. I didn’t believe it at first but I’ve tried it so many times that it proves to be true. You see, people who walk in groups are the people who are terrified of standing in their spotlight. Being in your own spotlight means taking full control of who you are and what you do.

Don’t let anyone steal your spotlight. xx

 

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