Play Pretend

This entry is dedicated to Audrey.

I used to play pretend in secondary school. A lot of pretend by the way.

I take natural food supplements that time and I was going through depression so I always pretend that I’m taking antidepressants. It’s strange of me but yeah that’s what I do. I pretend that it’s going to make me feel better and everything else will just look better. I pretend that it actually works. You see, I didn’t see a therapist or get prescribed with antidepressants. I was on my own. I secretly knew I needed help at some points but it seemed too difficult to get and no one actually believe I was going insane. They all shrugged it off like it was just a phase so pretending that I was taking antidepressants was somehow helpful and it became personal to me.

I also pretended that I was better off alone after so many things happened. Honestly, I can see that I’ve adapt to being alone. I like it but sometimes a little company is needed so I keep my circle of friends small. The smaller the better. I’ve realized smaller group of friends equals to knowing each other better to.

I pretend that I’m an aspiring fashion designer too at times. I have big dreams of being a fashion designer but it seems as if it isn’t planned out for me. I still draw and sketch at times and watch as well as keep up with fashion shows, fashion designers, the trends and brands but I feel that it’s slipping out of my hands. These are the bad parts of being Asian. You have to be logical and realistic. Very realistic in fact, especially when it comes to your future. But one day when I find myself in a better place and situation, I’ll try to go into the fashion industry. At least try something right? I’m still waiting patiently for that time to come but what I’m afraid of is that I’ll never try it when the time comes. I hope I won’t back out.

I pretend that I have full freedom when I know I’m just restricted to a few options in life. I pretend that I can have free speech in this full freedom, saying anything I want carelessly without thinking twice. I only probably do this within the family and one or two friends because you can’t exactly say everything on your mind to everyone. Not everyone gets the freedom of speech part.

I guess pretending is something we do to cope with life stresses.

So tell me, do you play pretend to? If so, what do you pretend to do or be?

Comment below!

Stay imaginative! xx

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