My Strange Interest

Now I’ve never had a religion so sometimes, I do find myself wondering if I should have one, or if I need one. But then, I never know the answer to it.

My teachers always ask me if I believe in the existence of God and that question always baffles me. I always ended up saying, “Yeah I do. I just don’t have a religion,” but inside, my thoughts are turning and twisting away. A part of me believes in the existence of God but another part of me questions the existence, whether it’s true or not. I’m usually left with more and more questions.

I have read the Bible, I have read the story of Buddha, and I have read about Wicca. The Bible is by far one of the most interesting texts I’ve ever read. The stories are filled with wonders and miracles. It made me believe in the existence of God even more. The story of Buddha is also interesting but I do not really understand what Buddhists really do. As for Wicca, it gives me this curiosity that keeps on growing and expanding.

As my curiosity went on, I did more and more research. It peaked when my research lead to books excluded from the bible. For instance, the Book of Enoch, Apocalypse of Peter, Infancy Gospel of James, and Gospel of Mary Magdalene. I’ve read them all. Some were pretty gruesome, painting vivid image of Hell in my head. Those who are blasphemous are hung by their tongue. Adulterous men and women are hung by their hair and feet over boiling goop and murderers are cast into a pit of horrible creeping things whereas those who go to heaven sing beautiful music, have beautiful bodies with great skin, wear shiny clothes and smell nice.

Wicca was also in my extensive research. I’ve learned a lot about their practices and beliefs, as well as their love for nature. This lead me to believe that Wicca is strongly misunderstood by many. I almost got into this but I stopped when I realized I still don’t know much about it and there was no one here to guide me. I did try looking for people here in my country but I couldn’t find any. I know the web is there but I prefer guidance face to face because I have so many questions unanswered.

After researching and researching, I don’t really know what I want anymore but there was this big question in my head.

“What’s the real and true story behind everything?”

Sadly, I’ll never know the truth.

Disappearing into the real world,

cloe_shadowscar

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