Skepticism

Having some skepticism is healthy, but what happens when you go overload on skepticism?

I get that some of us (me too) go through so many things that we sort of understand that no one is completely trustworthy. And then, we keep so many things to ourselves that we find ourselves drifting away from friendships, relationships or anything social. In addition, skepticism makes me evaluate things so much that I can’t chill for a while. I’ll keep thinking about everything someone said or did. I’ll have my thoughts wrap about it until I come to a conclusion.

After going through depression (I realize I still have anxiety), I’m skeptic about everything. I guess I was like that too during depression. I rather be alone. I rather keep everything to myself.

And this has obviously affected many things around me, including myself. It brought me to cleansing my life. (Maybe a little too much?) What I mean by cleansing is that I put aside people I think I should stay away from to start having a happier life. I realize it was effective but at some point, I miss them but I know it was probably for the best. After all, I don’t want to have a confusing friendship where I keep hurting myself in the process and they don’t notice it at all. It feels like continuously pricking myself with needles.

Lately, I found myself drifting away a bit further from everyone else. I feel bad. I feel horrible. I feel like a bad friend. But another part of me feels relieved. I’m guilty of this relief. It confuses me. Should I or should I not let go?

Skepticism keeps me up at night.

Thoughts drifting.

I’m out of my mind.

Signing off.

cloe_shadowscar xx

 

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