I find that I express better when I type/write and plus no one really knows this blog so I can put my walls down and talk about anything.
(I’m currently ordering food and waiting for a confirmation. It has been five minutes already. Where is my confirmation? – I’m starting to panic. Is the ordering app working? Or is the person not noticing my orders? #HereComesMyAnxiety ; I’m trying so hard not to look at my phone but hell – the place I chose to order food from should already be responding… *PANICS!* I have used this app at another state and it worked fine and quick but somehow, it is not working fast in this new place I’m at.. ( a few minutes more ) HOLY SHIT IT WORKS HERE! OMG THE STATE OF PANIC I AM IN… *Cries* I need a close companion here to reduce my anxiety 😦 )
Anyways.. back to the topic…
Yes. I blog because I need an outlet to share my insecurities, my worries, my flaws, my craziness. And I’m glad not many people I know visits this blog (although I have it attached on my Instagram profile). But I know there are quite a number of overseas people who comes to this blog and take a look at my reviews. Quite a few of them actually read my personal stories and I don’t mind at all because I don’t know them at all so I don’t feel insecure.
I would like to get my blog out there to let people facing mental health issues like me to know that they are not alone. But at the same time, I’m worried about people I know finding out about this blog. I can feel them judging me if they ever visit this place. I bet I’ll be one of the main topics of their daily gossips. I can picture what they’ll say.
My imaginations :
“Do you know she has a blog? She suffered from depression and have anxiety? No wonder she was such a loner last time,” she said, sipping her iced tea.
“Let me show you her blog. It is so surprising. She has this weird obsession with wigs,” another girl says, whipping out her smart phone, visiting my blog.
The girls go through my many topics and scrutinize them and maybe laugh about it. They then slowly discuss it and everyone will eventually know.
Gosh. Girls can be so mean but honestly, we girls should learn to support on another.
Speaking of mean girls, I suddenly remember the time my ex-best friend made fun of the way I tie my hair into a bun in class. She said it in an annoyed tone, mimicking the way I twist my hair. And then the two girls with her laugh about it. They were so loud they didn’t know I could hear.
That’s all for this entry…