I realized a difference between the friends you know from different time of your lives.
So when I went out at 3am, I was motivated by my friend whom I have known since primary school. My college friend slammed me for not thinking about my safety. My uni friend just said, “Why didn’t you ask me to go with you?” and I said, “Nah it was very late. You were probably sleeping,” and then she didn’t say anything else. My other uni friend asked where I went. Nothing else.
I guess my primary friend knew I really needed a breather and I needed motivation due to my anxiety. She knows how I feel about everything. I bet if she was here, she would go with me.
Whereas my college friend cares about my safety, especially going out at 3am. I can see where she’s coming from because I was really close to her in college and she knows going out at 3am isn’t really me at all.
And then there’s my uni friend who was just being nice. She cares but probably not much at all since I’m back at home like I’ve never went out. But I swear me going out at 3am didn’t affect her or my other uni friend at all.
Honestly, the contrast was so striking that it got me wondering about what would happen if I didn’t come back home the whole night but return the next afternoon? Would I want to find out?
Probably not because then you’ll realize more things.
But maybe yes, because disappearing off into the night sounds really fun.
But either ways, everything here (as in where I am) is still rather icy like I have to watch what I do and say all the time. I swear I miss the warm feeling where I don’t have to watch myself at all around friends. I hope it will change soon because everything here has made me overly drenched in sugar syrup, coated with more sugar and a whole lot of diabetes. Everyone is just way too nice it’s unbelievable sometimes. I think it’s the adult front we all put sometimes.
Gosh. Let me be a teenage once again.