I tend to feel bored and lonely nowadays… and on rare occasion, hollow.
It’s strange how I used to love hiding in my room all day long but it has changed. I rather be outside 24/7 if possible whether it’s with friends (preferably friend) or strangers.
I obviously wouldn’t hang out with strangers but being in an environment of strangers could motivate me to do something. It’s like how I go to Starbucks just to study because I won’t feel bored, lonely or hollow. At least there are strangers around me to keep me company. If I’m bored, I can stop studying and just look around.
It sucks being at home because this really isn’t home. It’s more like a temporary room with a table, a bed, a cupboard, a chair and a bathroom with sharing kitchen and washing machine. It’s strange because I lived the exact same way back in college but somehow college felt more like home to me than here. Maybe that’s because I was comfortable with my friends at college. Particularly one of them.
I miss the late night study sessions. We could be taking different classes (hence different subjects) but the whole point was just to motivate each other while we do our own studies. I also miss supper at 7 eleven or supper by the food truck that comes around the hostel every night at 9pm. I miss the comfort I felt when I was with that one particular friend.
I do have a friend here that stays next to me but I don’t feel that level of comfort… I don’t think I ever will though. No one will ever replace my college friend.
I just need a motivator here. But I guess it’s just me myself and I most of the time. It makes me feel quite sad but well… not everyone do things like you do so if you do find someone who likes doing what you do together, appreciate it.
Writing all this just makes me miss her even more… 😦 *sigh*