Happy New Year fellow readers and bloggers!
I rather tell you how I really feel about today. Honestly, even though there’s the new year, new me thing, I don’t really buy it.
So here’s how I truly feel :
- Nothing’s change. Last year’s problems are still not solved yet.
- It’s still the same miserable life.
- I still feel trapped in a box.
- I’m still here, unchanged and hurt from everything.
- Every new year feels exactly the same like how I would be on my birthday. Hollow and lonely.
- There’s nothing to be glad about.
If you ask me what I did on the last day of 2016 …
- Woke up late.
- Got accused of not studying because I went out on the 2nd last day of 2016. In my entire semester break so far, I only met up with this group of friends once.
- Studied till 11:30pm because I was being watched.
- Took drowsy flu pills that did not make me drowsy like every other days.
- Secretly grab two apple ciders from the fridge. Climbed out of my room window onto the roof to stare at the sky while listening to depressing songs.
- Regret my 2016. Terrified of 2017. Broke down.
- Think about how boring my life is.
- Argued with someone over the phone.
- Stayed on the roof till 4am.
- Got back in and try to sleep but unable to sleep. End up lying in bed wide awake until 6am thinking through the things I said. More regrets. More pain.
Sometimes, I wonder why I feel this way. I was told not to look for the cause of my depression because it would cause more damage.
Some people thought I’ll have fun. Yes I’m “having fun”.