New Year’s Blues

Happy New Year fellow readers and bloggers!

I rather tell you how I really feel about today. Honestly, even though there’s the new year, new me thing, I don’t really buy it.

So here’s how I truly feel :

  • Nothing’s change. Last year’s problems are still not solved yet.
  • It’s still the same miserable life.
  • I still feel trapped in a box.
  • I’m still here, unchanged and hurt from everything.
  • Every new year feels exactly the same like how I would be on my birthday. Hollow and lonely.
  • There’s nothing to be glad about.

If you ask me what I did on the last day of 2016 …

  • Woke up late.
  • Got accused of not studying because I went out on the 2nd last day of 2016. In my entire semester break so far, I only met up with this group of friends once.
  • Studied till 11:30pm because I was being watched.
  • Took drowsy flu pills that did not make me drowsy like every other days.
  • Secretly grab two apple ciders from the fridge. Climbed out of my room window onto the roof to stare at the sky while listening to depressing songs.
  • Regret my 2016. Terrified of 2017. Broke down.
  • Think about how boring my life is.
  • Argued with someone over the phone.
  • Stayed on the roof till 4am.
  • Got back in and try to sleep but unable to sleep. End up lying in bed wide awake until 6am thinking through the things I said. More regrets. More pain.

Sometimes, I wonder why I feel this way. I was told not to look for the cause of my depression because it would cause more damage.

Some people thought I’ll have fun. Yes I’m “having fun”.

Signing off,

cloe_shadowscar xx




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