Dread Locks In My Mind

Sometimes it’s annoying when you can’t find anyone else to click with. You sure can be friends with everyone but even then, it feels lonely because you know these friends are nothing more than people you smile with and talk casually with. I would try to click but if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t. As much as I would love to try to click with people outside my radius, we all have different schedules and we don’t see much of each other. To be honest, I managed to do that twice elsewhere but a repeat? Seems difficult.

I would try but they wouldn’t want to try so at the end of the day, just be friends with everyone.

So, am I looking forward to the next semester?

Yes and no.

Yes because I could be somewhere else again. Somewhere where I can make my decisions, hang out with people I want to and have time for myself. I’m glad my housemate won’t be there till the end of the month which makes it easier for me because I get to be more alone. I also look forward to seeing friends that I don’t see everyday in classes and I look forward to more hangouts with my best friend.

No because I’m afraid of what is coming next. My mind already knows. I dread going classes. I dread keeping an alright face and making people think that I’m alright or I don’t care about anything when I already beat myself up every day and night. I’m afraid I’ll give up halfway. I’m afraid I’ll lose it again and make a bigger mess.

I am trying to change things, starting with my health. It’s almost a week of trying something new and I don’t know if it’s working. They say it takes up to 3 weeks to fully feel the effect so I’m waiting and hoping I feel better.

Signing off,

cloe_shadowscar xx

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