More Than Enough

“Are you okay?” he asks. He always ask that. I don’t know what to say sometimes because my head are always filled with thoughts and worries so I let out a smile or laugh and reassure him that I’m okay.

Honestly, yes I’m okay.

It’s just the thoughts in my head that’s making things seem not okay.

I feel like he deserves better. I feel like he shouldn’t have to deal with my complicated life. I feel like he’s the light and I’m the dark. He’s quite carefree, happy and silly and I’m the opposite. I like that it balance things out but then I feel like I’m a complete burden. I don’t know how he’s taking things so well (especially lately) and I really admire him for that.

Gosh, I’m completely infatuated with this person.

What’s worse is that I hate that things are turning out to be like those Wattpad teen fiction whereby the girl’s parents or one of the parents disapprove of the guy she loves. What differs is that it ends in a happy ending. I don’t know what mine will be. This is real life, not some romance novel so I tend to be quite pessimistic about real life endings.

I wish I could just openly say about how I feel about this one person but of course, people are able to give negative comments about anything. If you say you like someone so much, they’ll say you are blind, instead of congratulating you. The thing is, it’s almost impossible to explain what this one person has done for you to someone else who will not see things the same way or feel the same way as you do. Sometimes I wish they know he makes me happy and that’s what matters the most. If they know how I struggle on the daily, then maybe they’ll actually appreciate his presence in my life.

Honestly, he changed my life. He’s one of the right decisions I’ve ever made. I noticed the change. I like the change. It’s too early to say this but it feels so right. It feels like the deal is sealed. I know it wouldn’t be the same if I were to fall in love with someone else.

Sometimes, I don’t like the things he does but putting that aside, he’s the first guy that I’ve ever been so open and real with. He has seen me break down way too many times. He has seen my dark side, my emotional erratic side, my suicidal self (whereby I talk about suicide so openly even though I have no guts to do it) and all the other side I’ve never openly shown. He’s my anchor and probably the first guy I have ever made cry.

I know he’ll read this eventually…

Love you K.

Signing off,

cloe_shadowscar xx

 

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