Blood & Sweat


Have you ever put in so much effort even though you don’t want to just for someone and at the end of the day it feels like the sacrifice is just not appreciated? Like who’s going to help them when you’re not around?

“Oh I’m sorry. I forgot I only exist when you need something, whether it’s an object or my effort and time. I forgot you only want to spend some of your time with me when you need something.”

And it doesn’t help that you still put in effort no matter how much they disappoint you. And then you know them so well. You know what that person is probably doing, you know what that person is like and you already know what to ask and not to ask, or what to say and not to say.

And it’s difficult because you realize you’ve been doing so many shit and if it was 10 years back, I don’t know how I would do those things for that person because there’s no Uber, no Grabcar. Take a cab? Difficult to get around back then too.

And sometimes, I spend unnecessary time and money. And what do they do for me? Whine about everything when they don’t realize they are part of the problem. Waiting for someone to change is like waiting for the desert to bloom with flowers.

Patience may be virtue but sometimes my patience is so close to firing up.

Why do I feel so used right now? And what a shame because maybe it’s all a game to them. Maybe it’s a way to survive because there’s the fact that they keep screwing things up so to make it seem like they are not, at least have someone who is blindly on their side. At least till it’s over so they can just move on and find another blind loser and screw them over.

I don’t know if I should do something about it…

Signing off,

cloe_shadowscar xx



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