Thrashed

Today’s one of the worst days I’ve ever had.

Sometimes, being in a building full of people who should be able to tell the signs of what you have is just laughable. They all act like they’re going to be professionals but they don’t know shit.

I was at the cafeteria eating, writing long letters, tearing up. No one noticed the tears. What’s worse is that I want out in the open, and there were so many people during lunch.

And then later on I broke down speaking to my counselor. Speaking out was just so difficult, as well as answering her questions. This is probably the first time I ever been so honest with her. She came over and gave me a side hug. It was a half an hour plus counselling session and she suggests that I talk to my psychiatrist about increasing my dosage. It’s 10mg but if my psychiatrist were to increase it, it’ll probably be 20mg. Furthermore she suggested on adding another medication. I just can’t seem to remember the name.

She then asked if it was okay for her to let me go and that I won’t do anything stupid. I said, “Yeah…” and she replied, “I’ll get someone to look out for you.”

After that, I had to immediately rush to the toilet; cried a bit more and try to cover up my swollen eyes – which I failed at terribly because I didn’t have what I needed the most – concealer. I just had loose powder which did nothing.

And then I had to rush off because I was already going to be late for my next appointment. Honestly, I was so exhausted but going to my next appointment did cheer me up because it was at this Down Syndrome Association where the children were so sweet.

I took a shine to one young girl – who was a new student there. She was learning to do the lazy eight. She’s quite a bright person. There was this other girl who introduced herself as “Princess Rebekah” who then proceeded to call me “Princess Chloe” after getting my name. It was really adorable and sweet especially when she called me pretty too. I’m so glad to be a part of that place. It really did got my spirits higher although I could still feel the aftereffects of the earlier events. My eyes are still so swollen after six hours.

At least they make me appreciate life and my effort more than anything else. At least it seemed as if I had a purpose for a while. A while is enough.

Signing off,

cloe_shadowscar xx

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