Sometimes it’s easy to stray from plenty of things and get influenced. Once you hang out with someone a lot, you tend to pick up certain things from them and you wouldn’t even realize it until a friend points it out.
It’s like poison going straight to your head and no matter what, you’ll always pick that poison. If it was a poison vial, it would be so much easier to get rid off. One throw and the vial will break and the liquid will spill.
They bring you to the edge and nothing can kill you like that poison but you always say “It’s alright, it’s okay.” Thus, it becomes the perfect excuse.
It’s emotionally abusive because you beat yourself emotionally every night and eventually apologize for making another feel bad
even though you wish they’ll hear you out and listen instead of belittling your concerns. And then sometimes you act like nothing’s affecting and that you are one strong independent fellow who don’t need anyone because you assume no one cares. So you put up the walls, you put up the act and maintain that exterior.
“Ask and you shall receive,” isn’t something I completely believe in. Poison is everywhere. Nothing’s ever pure. We have all been stained with it through our experiences and thus shaping our beliefs, perceptions and reactions. We all have been poisoned, whether we deal with trust issues or other personal issues. Sometimes we want to fix it but you have seen and experience some of the ugliest scenarios of life that we struggle and eventually learn how to avoid or be extra protective or defensive when facing similar scenarios.
Alas, if there was only a way to truly fix the heart.