In My Head

Picture perfect doesn’t come easy.

Nothing’s ever perfect.

I’m not perfect,

so are you. 

Arguments and fights,

We make up in the end.

I don’t count them.

But you keep track.

I don’t give up.

I’m just stubborn.

Or maybe just madly,

deeply in love.

I have never felt this way.

In your warmth, 

with that cold mind I hear out,

while I’m silently begging.

Don’t leave is all I ask

but if  you insist,

you do the cut because

I can’t and never will be able to.

Tears and mindless thinking,

is it real or is this an excuse?

For I know what you fear, 

and by May, we both know.

Or is this another excuse,

for something you rather have

but will never get.

Still, you rather cut me off to try.

But then we can improve,

But I guess one of us doesn’t believe.

And it’s always easier to escape,

And not try hard.

I’ve done my fair share of escape,

throughout high school.

I’m done running away,

from everyone and everything.

I’ve lived through some of the worst moments.

Watching teachers say I’m not good enough,

Watching the others get chosen over me,

Watching them leave one by one.

So instead of them leaving,

I left them all at once.

That was my escape. 

I admit was my best moments.

I guess I’m scared of watching people leave.

It’s what haunts me all the time.

It’s one of my insecurities.

I’m sorry if it gets too much.

But you were the better moments.

Through the random texts I send to you at odd hours.

Doesn’t it speak to how much I adore you?

And doesn’t it kill you to say those things to me?

Because I felt it hit.

Because I felt it ache.

Because I felt myself losing it.

Because I felt wet tears.

I don’t know how you feel about it.

I don’t know if you felt the way I feel.

I don’t know if you know how much I love you.

I don’t know if you love me as much as I do.

And it makes me question,

why does two people who love each other,

can’t stay together?

It doesn’t make sense!

But in all, I’m glad to have you in my head.

When it’s scary and anxiety comes in.

I’m glad to have you in my head.

When it’s lonely and sad.

Well, at least I got you in my head.

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