Empty Promises

What’s worse?

Not being able to keep your own promises you made or someone who made you make a promise with them eventually back out of their own promise, while you are still keeping it.

I guess they have the same degree of ugliness.

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I guess I’ve learned that you should never make promises when you are happy or in a moment because you might change your mind  later on when you are sad or angry. Or better yet, don’t make promises at all. That way, there isn’t an expectation to keep up to.

When it comes to promises, I will downright keep them, even though the person has disappear from my life. Because promises mean so much to me. Get cut a few times and you’ll learn to treasure things that money can’t buy.

Lately, I have been cut in every way. People around me are not keeping their promises they made. It bums me out because I’m the kind that thinks a lot. Like I said, promises mean way too much to me.

I’m the long term kind of person but it seem as if most people love temporary, short-lived things. At this age, I could say I’m still young and short-lived fun things should be what I live for but that’s just not me at all. I’m probably way too grown up in my head sometimes, especially when it comes to the things I want in life.

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Sometimes you pick up too many people down on their knees during their bad moments. Once you have your bad moments, they criticize you and instead of helping you get back up, they think it’s fit to give up on you when you never gave up on them.

Sometimes I wonder if my effort has gone overboard. I’m always trying my hardest to take care of others more than I do for myself. Like how I’m eating my dinner hot and cold. I didn’t warm it up properly but I’m not bothered.  

And when I remember all the good times, good words, sweet talk, sweet persuasion and so on, I wonder why I let myself fall for it over and over again. Ask me why I’m complicated and I’ll tell you I’m only protecting my heart and soul. Ask me why I’m difficult and I’ll tell you that I never ask for much.

After May, I plan to spend my entire time volunteering during my break. I love spending time with children. They make the world seem less complicated than it is. And there, I will be able to clear my mind and focus on improving and doing my part to impart kindness and compassion. 

Signing off,

cloe_shadowscar xx

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