Everyone’s afraid of something. Some are afraid of heights; acrophobia. Others are afraid of spiders; arachnophobia. And some, the dark; nyctophobia.

I don’t know how to categorize my fear. It has a lot of anxiety in it regarding the future and living in the moment. Is it chronophobia mixed with atychiphobia? Or is it something else?

I’m trying my hardest not to think too much about the future and I end up thinking about the current moment.

I always love getting new starts. I should look forward to the future but this future got me uneasy. I know it’s not going to be any easier and that at some point fear will come in. I’m fearing going out of my mind when the time comes. I’m fearing the possibility of falling all over again. I’m fearing not being able to find a place to belong to. I’m fearing boredom and lack of life. I’m fearing possible withdrawal from the world itself. 

And in this moment. I fear getting stuck. I fear not doing enough. I fear wasting my time. I fear having not enough time. I fear not remembering things. I fear losing my grip over some things.

There’s just so many things to fear about. 

It’s hard to describe how I’m truly feeling about everything. There’s no right words to it. All I can picture is walking through a very cold and badly lit tunnel towards nowhere.

I hope. Just hope that when the future comes in, I can find light and warmth somewhere.

Signing off




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