May 8th Thoughts

I think I have mastered acceptance to the extend that it’s so solemn.

You know the five stages of grief which includes : denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance?

There’s just none of the beginning parts anymore. It just goes straight to acceptance.

I guess sometimes when you realize there’s no way of changing things already, there’s no point feeling guilty or regretting it so you feel nothing and  get right on with acceptance.

But then here’s the downside.

Accepting way to easily all the time is like caving in to giving up. It’s like saying, “It is what it is. Whatever.” And I ask myself what made me accept so easily because I was never like that. Was it the number of times something like this happen that I learn that it’ll somehow work out on its own? Or was it because of I’m tired of feeling regretful or guilty? Or am I generally tired to worry about something I should be worrying about because all my life I’ve been worrying and accepting seems like an easy way to not feel weight on my shoulders?

I’ve asked myself too many times. I can’t find the answer.

I also feel like sometimes people talk too freely about certain things (going on with other people) that somehow relates to you (because you are going through the same kind of problem) but they don’t know because you don’t want them to know. It kind of pricks you as you realize the kind of person they are towards certain issues. If they knew you were facing those issues, would they speak badly and terribly about it freely in front of you?

And seeing as this happens to me a lot, I tend to go against them and try defend other people’s honor like it was mine being torn. I also try my best to defend people’s honor (those whom have issues I’ve not faced) because I realized how much it hurts and sucks to know what people say about them behind their backs.

Everyone’s issue may seem like the tip of an iceberg but have you ever checked out the bottom of the iceberg?

Have you ever realize what goes on behind close doors or in their minds? Have you ever notice their action? Have you ever notice the tear that flows down as they quickly wipe it away before anyone else notices it – pretending like something was in their eye? Have you ever see them faking a smile? Do you know that they are breaking down inside while you just sat next to them?

So here’s the thing. Do something nice for someone every week. Make someone’s day or week. It may help a lot more than you know.

Signing off,

cloe_shadowscar xx